Celebrating Harper

Leaving the hospital without Harper was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.  The week following was one of the hardest weeks of my life, if not the hardest.  A few things played a role into why it was so hard.

1.  Grief

The obvious one is the grief my husband and I were going through from losing our baby.  The future plans that had to be redesigned, the feeling of loss and hopelessness.  I honestly think we did a pretty good job at not letting ourselves slip into the grief.  We both weren't working so we had a lot of quality time together. I cried a lot, he was strong- probably for me.  We reflected, we prayed, we tried to stay positive, and we thanked our Heavenly Father for the time we had with her and the knowledge we would get to be with her again.

I would often find myself wrapping my hands around my belly like I did when I was pregnant only to realize and have to remind myself that she wasn't there.  I missed her and my body missed her.  I found myself crying over that longing and missing the most.

2.  My body

February 24th- Happy Birthday my Harper girl

*** This is draft 2 of this post. I had it all typed up and then hit to publish it, and learned that I was signed into the wrong email address, not the one associated with this blog, and lost the whole thing.  It is a hard post to have to write twice, I took a Saturday and went to see Harper to rewrite it.  I am trying to go to the cemetery more now that it is warming up, and in a hope that it becomes a more normal thing in my life. I am going to put the picture I took on this post, but I want you to know that I look totally composed in the picture, but in reality it is a very emotional experience for me to sit with my daughter and write. So bear with me and any mistakes there might be in this post, because I did not proof read it.

This is the post that I find the hardest to write. This is the post where we met Harper, officially.  This is also the post where we said goodbye to Harper. Or in our belief, we said "see you soon" to Harper.

This post will be long. I am going to try to include as many details as I can, for my memories sake mostly, but also to share my story. I am going to put some pictures in this post of Harper, and more than just her darling tiny feet (which is what I typically share).  If that makes you uncomfortable, this is your warning. :)